oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize