A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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