today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
