his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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