Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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