sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
