paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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