I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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