i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
