If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
