I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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