I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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