Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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