Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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