Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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