Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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