i permit you to call me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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