dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
