Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
