girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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