I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize