You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
