you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
