In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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