sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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