Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
