dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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