I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
