i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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