im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
false alarm, still single
Randomize
