Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
