i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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