you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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