everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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