Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
