But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
