I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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