flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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