sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I lost the right to judge tonight
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
