I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
