Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize