My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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