dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
