The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
