Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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