All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
