she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
