who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
