i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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