I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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