It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
