naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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