I just threw up on my dentist
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
