A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize