I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm at about main and main street
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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