Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
