wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
