Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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