Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
