I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
