we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
