If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
