and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
