K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
