You're completely useless in the revolution.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
