this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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