Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
