hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
