that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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