I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
