i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
