o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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