you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
