I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
