Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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