I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
