He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
