I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
