I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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