thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
