I just pynch a tree in the face
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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