my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's always time for handjobs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
