I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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