keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
