my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
