I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
