his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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