The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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