Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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