My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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