Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I enjoy the company of your penis
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
