I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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