So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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