You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
