yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
