i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i think i just lost a toe
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
