my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
