wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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