im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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