it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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