If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
