I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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