So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
