I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize