I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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