i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
