Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
