My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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